Bid Decision? Decide By The Prickling Of Your Thumbs
It’s a typical day in the Reynolds’ household. Sarah has her hands full. She’s got to list the house with a broker and can’t decide which one. Her teenage son is acting funny, and she can’t decide if it’s just normal teen stuff, or drugs. Her mother called again, and Sarah thinks maybe it’s more than “a bad day,” or “forgetfulness.” She wonders if it’s time to “do something” about her mother, but it’s such a big decision. And then there’s her job. Is it ever going to pan out? Is he going to give her the promotions and raises he promised, or is time to quit?
Life is full of decisions, and the bigger the decision, the harder it is to make. We search for confirming data and there’s either too much or too little. How do we tell normal teen craziness from something serious? How do we know it’s time to take over an aging parent’s concerns, take the car away, get professional help? Who knows whether the boss is going to keep his word? And how do you choose a broker when they all sound the same? And when we do suspect we must do something, how do we know the time has come?
Shakespeare had the answer. It’s a famous line from Macbeth. One of the famous witches has her suspicions, and says: “By the prickling of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes.”
Shakespeare’s talking about our instincts, and the messages we get from our bodies. It’s when we have a sinking feeling in the pit of our stomach, or our hair stands on end, or our palms start to sweat, or we feel sick to our stomach, that we know something wicked our way is about to come. I can’t say I ever felt a prickling in my thumbs, but maybe you have.
You could call these inklings. Or suspicions. Or intuition. They’re emotions of sorts, though “feelings” seems a better word, because they can’t always be articulated. When something “takes our breath away,” or our “heart turns over,” that’s exactly what happens. These physiological responses keep oxygen from our brains, whether it’s agony or ecstasy, and therefore we can’t think, or form words.
How often have you said after an adverse event, “I knew he was the wrong man,” or “something told me to stay away from her.” If you trace back and process what was going on at the time, you may be able to reclaim some of the physiological clues that might have saved you. This can be useful for the future!
These undeniable messages give us a clue that something needs to be done. Then, of course, we have to think it through, logically, and make a plan. But if you have that “little nagging feeling in the back of your mind,” it’s best to take heed.
At the most basic level, we move toward what promises pleasure, and away from what does not. Our emotions are there to guide us, with information that comes through the senses. How can you say, for instance, why you love who you love? It’s her hair, or the way she turns on the heel of her foot, or the movement of her hands? We fall in love with the essence of a person, which is to say we have some sort of visceral reaction. We find that being with them makes us feel good. Then, when pressed, we come up with a reason. “Well, he could play the piano beautifully, that’s why.”
By the same token, if forced to deal with someone we don’t like, we tense up, find ourselves turning away, clamming up, blinking a lot or narrowing our pupils to shut them out, bouncing our legs in a primitive effort to escape.
If you’re in doubt how you feel about someone, pay attention to the messages your body sends you. Notice how you feel when you’re with them. Take notice of change. If one day you find something about this person is making you “nervous,” investigate. Generally the feeling will escalate, demanding that you do something, take action. Whether you jump towards, or away from, that’s the question.
If you have mixed feelings, it can be a sense of both. For instance, falling in love. You love the person, but have bad memories from a former relationship. This is a case of separating out your self-talk-generated feelings from your “real” ones. Test and test again how it is with this person, and turn off the chatter in your head, from your neocortex. In fact, pay attention to your tummy, your gut. The vagus nerve, which runs from brain stem to intestine, was originally formed from the same material as your brain, and sends the same sort of messages. It’s often the case that the brain in your gut gives you more honest information than the brain in your head, because it doesn’t have the neocortex (the thinking brain) for its constant, confusing companion.
That twinge in your gut? Only practice will tell you whether it’s indigestion or an indication that something wicked your way comes. Or maybe you’ll get lucky and get a prickling in your thumb.
Emotional intelligence is about self-awareness. It starts with learning the language of your own emotional inner terrain.
About the Author:
©Susan Dunn, MA, THE EQ COACH, http://www.susandunn.cc . Providing coaching, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional success. I train and certify EQ coaches worldwide. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for infor on this fast, affordable, no-residency program. Email for fr** EQ eIne.